Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
I have a good friend who sometimes does not pick the best people to spend time with. She has a friend in particular who I think is a user, and not very nice of a person. I think I should say something to my friend, but my husband keeps on telling me to keep my mouth shut. He said that she may end up telling her other friend what I said about her, and that the whole thing could blow up in my face. I think I’m just trying to save my friend from getting hurt in the long run. I have heard this person gossip about my friend, like she does everyone she meets. If someone talked about me behind my back, I would want to know. Don’t you think a true friend would alert her?
I think you are a very good friend to be concerned about this situation. However, as they used to say in Roman times – the messenger of bad news always gets shot. If you say something to your friend, she may not believe you, or think you are jealous of her other friendships. She will figure it out on her own that this person is not a true friend, and then you can be there for her if she gets hurt. If this “friend” of hers speaks badly about others, then she will clue in that this person is speaking about her too. Be patient, and let it all play out. It will work out the way it needs to in the end.