Is It Okay To Reach Out To My Son’s Ex?

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
I have a tricky situation that I need help with. My son has just gotten engaged. I am thrilled for them, and like his fiancée a lot. However, I have remained close to his x-girlfriend, and see her twice a year for her birthday and Christmas. I have maintained the relationship because I will always love her, even though her relationship with my son ended abruptly. 

Because I know how hard it was for the ex when my son broke up with her, I hesitate to post about the engagement on Instagram and FaceBook, because I know she will see it. I realize she undoubtedly already knows of the engagement, but I feel like I need a call or face-to-face lunch with her to discuss before I make a post. I called and texted her about setting up a date to meet next month for her birthday, but have not heard back. My question is do I wait until I hear back before posting? 

I know this may sound a bit trivial, but I really don't know what to do. I suppose that the safest choice is to simply not post. Thanks so much ahead of time for any insight that you may have.


Dear Anonymous,
I can relate to what you are going through. I have a son who had a long-term relationship with a girl that I really love, and I try to keep in touch with her. I would feel the same way that you do if I was in your situation.

If you reached out to her a week or more ago and you have not heard back from her, then I would assume that she knows that your son is engaged to someone else. She probably just cannot face talking to you. If you do not hear from her by the two-week mark, then I would write her a note telling her that you assume she knows that your son is engaged. Reassure her that this does not change your relationship with her as a friend, and you look forward to her finding someone so great for her. Then you can follow up with a text or phone call telling her you would love to take her to lunch when she has time. I think she will appreciate your kindness during a hard time like this. 

Once the note is delivered, I would then feel comfortable moving on and start to celebrate your son and his new fiancée publicly.