Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
My nephew recently got married, and I am unsure of how to handle the issue of a wedding gift. When I heard he was engaged, I sent a gift to he and his soon to be bride. Next thing you know, I receive a wedding announcement in the mail with where they are registered. To my (and my family’s) dismay, they decided to get married with just the two of them. My question is do I need to send a gift since I was not invited to the wedding?
Dear Slighted Aunt,
There are several issues to address in this situation. After you receive a wedding announcement the protocol is that you send a gift. It does not matter that you were not invited to the wedding. Even if they had other guests present at the ceremony and you were not invited, you would still send a gift. If the gift that you already sent before you knew of their elopement plan was for a bridal shower, then you should send a wedding gift. If sounds like you sent an early gift for the actual wedding, so you do not need to send another one.
An additional issue is it is in bad taste to state where you are registered on a wedding invitation or a wedding announcement. The only time you do this is on a baby shower invitation. Couples should not presume that you are going to give them a gift. You are being invited to spend their special day with them, not to give them a present.